EXPRESSION IN BRONZE

I could have done that.
It sits there,
big and bronze and irregularly shaped,
with suggestions of people and events
clinging to its sides and angles.
All it would would have taken for me to do it
was to have lived a different life.

My mother would have to have been crazier
so I would have learned
to doubt my own senses more
as I was growing up.
And I would have had to have learned that
it is not crazy to feel crazy
in a crazy environment and,
in the final analysis, the only things
I could trust were my own senses.

I would have learned to discover the rhythm of
working all day in the fields
of bending and pulling
bending and cutting
lifting and hauling
while my mind was miles away,
then taking a break with my tired and sweating
co-workers who were just trying to make enough
to get by and keep their families afloat.

I would have discovered the rhythms of drumming,
of producing the sounds that so mimic the
beating of the human heart--
to disappear into the motions of my hands and feet
as I produced the supportive scaffolding
for the rest of the music.
I would have realized early on that
words and sounds could not fully express
what I felt inside;
each was too one-dimensional.
And, although making music was a way
of connecting to the inside,
it served more as a rudder than compass.

I would have learned early on
that moving forward requires taking risks
and that limits cannot be accepted
without thoroughly testing them,
being tested by them, and finding a way
over or around them.
A different dance requires a different beat.

I would have learned that it is not enough just to know;
the knowledge must be shared and displayed.
I would have begun to experiment with drawing,
using graphite and pastels,
with painting, using water colors, oil and acrylics,
adding more dimensions to my attempts to understand
and express my inner experience.
I would have mastered my craft and reveled
in teaching it to others,
giving them the tools for their own searches.

The perhaps I would have tried to reach even farther
in my attempt to reveal the truths I've discovered,
bringing even more dimensions into my expression,
and helping those truths emerge from a sculpture
meant to endure long after I am gone.
For, to have been able to have made this,
I would have to accept that it is not here by accident,
but that it is an emergence
from a living being and has substance.
It is an expression of impressions and emotions
so deep, so primitive and so profound
that they can only be expressed in bronze.


Jim Morgan     November 11, 2009

(For Ernie)