ACKNOWLEDGMENT

He was an interesting person
I could spend an afternoon with him
listening to his ideas, his take on things
He genuinely seemed to listen
He had a hearty laugh and a good sense of humor
He often made me smile
He was kind, considerate and friendly
He was a great acquaintance who I would
enjoy spending time with when I had
nothing else to do

His mistake was that he let his feelings
about me grow into what he called
love
He began wanting to be with me
and all I wanted was
to be left alone
to follow the course that was so familiar and
comfortable to me
So as his feelings become more evident
I found a way to pull back
never letting go, but
becoming less and less available

He is responsible for his own feelings
and I for mine
It is the only way that is safe

But to maintain this acquaintanceship
that I still desire at some level
is taxing
By wanting it, I have to acknowledge that
it is there
and that another person is attached to it
more firmly than I am attached
Someone who wants more

I am torn
I am not a bad person
I can't please everyone
I need contact with others who can feed
the neediness I have inside that I can't acknowledge
even to myself

So it eats at me
I feel like I'm being consumed
I feel the pain in my gut and wonder
"Am I dying"?
And what difference would it make if I did?

Or maybe I can just move away
into my own world
Perhaps then I'd be free from being concerned
about the happiness of others
Free to soar and dive and just bask in the warmth
of a summer day at noon in the tropics
lying lazily beneath a shady tree and
remembering those I have lost who
I once truly loved.

Jim Morgan   August 17, 2009