This is part 2 of my post on this topic. To see the whole post in sequence, read the previous post first.
I was always confused about why some people would be treated differently from others because of the color of their skin. I truly didn't understand why it was that there were people who judged others as inferior because of how they looked. What I didn't realize at all was that I also did unconscious stereotyping. I tended to look at people different from me at "them." Sometimes I manifested this tendency by feeling sorry for those others because of their conditions and situations but without truly identifying with them. They were still "them" rather than "us." I thought that I always felt work so hard and achieve so little while still being a person who welcomed everyone sympathy for and supportive of women and treated them equally to men. I identified with the diminished role of women because I saw my mother work so hard and achieve so little while still being a person who welcomed everyone and never meeting a stranger whose life story she didn't know within 20 minutes of having met them. I even joined the National Feminist Therapist Roster during my early years as a therapist at a Florida university. I was not prepared for the animosity I experienced from some women during those early years of the feminist revolution and felt that I was often treated disrespectfully. It took me a number of years to appreciate that I was still expecting the same deference I had always received as a whit male but that I was only deserving of respect based on my behavior rather because of my gender and racial status. Although some women were venting pent up anger indiscriminately, most were just asserting that their rights were as important as mine and not less so. I needed to establish my worth separate from my race and gender. Even so, I had a less difficult road to traverse than my friends who were women or people of color. I didn't have to fight for my own privilege. It took me a while to realize that we all needed to fight together so all of us could advance together, even if it meant that I needed to pull back some myself to make room for those who hadn't been given a place at the table because they weren't white, male, of the proper religion or culture, or any other characteristic I possessed that I didn't have to earn.
I was a therapist at a university counseling service from the 1960s through the early 2000s. That period of time saw some vary fundamental changes in our social structure in this country. Multiculturalism emerged and focused on women, gender identities, ethnicity--and to a lesser extent--socioeconomic status, age differences and immigration status. During that time I became immersed in these issues and, probably more importantly, I became older and more experienced. I was surrounded by people in my workplace workplace who were also deeply involved in these issues and who were dedicated not only to the trials of otehrs but also in their own inner processes. I was able--sometimes forced--to look at my own stereotyping behavior and mow own sense of privilege. The process was often painful and took conscious effort on my part to deal with without allowing myself to fall back into the same practices I had engaged up to that point. It was very hard to change attitudes that I and never examined before and that I hadn't realized needed examining. It was fully worth the effort and the pain. I feel far more connected to people I meet of any sexual orientation, race or ethnicity than I had ever felt before and I can see much more fully who we can all move forward more fruitfully when we all go together.
During the past six years I have traveled extensively in countries outside of the United States. I have enjoyed meeting people from many different cultures. I have eaten in their restaurants and their homes. I have visited their schools and attended their cultural events, and I have been enriched by learning of their histories. I have meet rural people and city people, rich and poor, merchants, artists, monks, priests, mullahs, young, middle-aged and old. We have talked with one another about our lives and our families, our wishes, or fears, our similarities and our differences. I found that most people are pretty much just like me. That is reassuring, and I feel hopeful that we will eventually find ways to embrace one another's cultures while still valuing our differences. I also realized that the days of power in our country being held mostly by old white men are numbered. Eventually everyone will be born and live as a shade of brown, and women around the world will have the same opportunities and responsibilities that men have now. Eventually, even gender identity will become nothing of concern. None of this frightens me. It just seems natural and inevitable. I only wish that hose who have never examined their own privilege would start to do so. That would make a better world for all of us.